Dear Little One(April 18, 2009)

Well, It's 11:21 PM right now. I would have just been getting out of the prom dance, I believe, had I gone. But, I thought that in my current condition I would be better off at home with my oh so incredible boyfriend! Soon to be so much more than that. He's your daddy! He's going to be such a good daddy, too. So, little one, I thought maybe I would write to you now, and some day you'll be able to read it and know how much you were loved even before you were born!

I've had quite a few scary times since I found out I was pregnant with you. Tonight even, I'm sitting here wondering if everything is okay. Small pains, big pains, they all make me wonder. My muscles are all stretching and loosening to make room for you! I'm sure you're getting so big in there, but I won't get to see for a while longer. You're 13 weeks and 5 days along today, and I'm sure you're doing great in there! I'm starting to wonder if you're a boy or girl.. But in my dreams you are always a beautiful little girl.

No matter what you are though, I love you still. I just wish you to be healthy and happy. Your daddy hopes you are a little boy, but he would love you if you're a little girl, too. I love you always. Even though I've only seen you once, and you're still just a little itty bitty thing in my belly, I love you more than you could ever know.

People ask me why I get so scared, so paranoid about something being wrong. Well, to be honest, it's because I've never wanted anything more in my entire life than to hold you in my arms and know that you are here with me and that you are safe! 6 more months and I will be able to do that.

I pray every night that you stay safe and healthy in there, because losing you would absolutely devastate me. I think we would all be pretty upset if that happened, but I'm sure everything will be okay!

You have a pair of shoes already! Your amazing auntie Sierra bought them for you. I nearly cried the first time I saw them! I can't wait for you to be wearing them!

My mom, your grandmother, is SO excited to meet you! She calls you her little pinto bean, it's kind of getting a hold on me. It's cute, just like I know you will be! Well, little one, I'm very sleepy today, and I'm really full. I made a big dinner tonight! Spiral ham..mmm! I hope you are resting well in there, I also hope I can feel you move again soon! Goodnight, little one.

Love always,
Mommy